your ritual of return. stirring hips
on your way to ceremony. blood
and thickness of silence you called/
drank wine. we, of
unknown origin. a plunge into
psycho-domestic nausea / all this
bending all this caring i did not
want to care like this. reciting words you read
somewhere before. or maybe chewed.
was i created?
i found your letters 6
years after your passing.
this, is a scripture i cannot forget.
men who abandon. my mother’s father
who abandoned. men who perform God and Divinity
yet forget their kin. forget how these woman
hands can hold you, and so well.
it is better they leave us anyway.
ubiquitous breakfast seen thru familial
windows in Peru. fresh bread, avocado, cow’s milk
cheese, olives, butchered ham.
sitting sweetness of maracuyá if
the money’s right.
bite into ritual. swallow into loss.
i sit without you in front of me
still feeling your stirring, brewing
comfort in your cocina. i pray
your name will come to me in a dream
my tongue tied to the rhythm of your language.
i need to feel your arrival.
Ari Vargas is a femme diasporic artist, lesbian & comrade. She is a current Emerging Artist with the National Queer Cultural Center & has premiered work throughout the Bay Area. Obsessions: shame, remembering, intergenerational belonging, oceans. follow her on Instagram @diasporicdyke / twitter @sadperuviankwee.